Since his inauguration President Joe Biden and his team have blinded Americans with a dizzying array of head-spinning science. In a week that included Dr. Anthony Fauci invoking the Great Spirit of Science during a White House ceremony, Biden floored the nation with his picks for America’s science dream team.
Heading the list is OSTP director pick, Eric Lander, who Biden lured over from the Human Genome Project after trading away former Office of Science and Technology Policy director and meteorologist Kelvin Droegemeier.
“With Lander you’re getting a real heavy hitter in the science world. He’s a biology professor at MIT and Harvard Medical School. Also, he’s a mathematician and geneticist who founded an institute that does that gene-editing CRISPR shit. The man’s not a mad scientist, but he’s got mad scientific skills,” said Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Other picks for the science dream team include: Alondra Nelson as OSTP deputy director for science and society; Frances H. Arnold and Maria Zuber as co-chairs of the President’s Council of Advisors on Science and Technology; Dr. Francis Collins as director of the National Institutes of Health; Kei Koizumi as OSTP chief of staff; and Narda Jones as OSTP legislative affairs director.
“Science will always be at the forefront of my administration and these world-renowned scientists will ensure everything we do is grounded in science, facts, and the truth,” said President Biden. “This team represents the top tier of talent in the scientific community. The American people can rest assured this crew will science the shit out of everything that’s scienceable.”
Concluding the ceremony, White House science shaman Dr. Anthony Fauci offered a blessing and laid his hands on each member of the science team, conferring upon them exceptional powers of rationality, reason and understanding. “Now go, my little doves, seek truth. Let the science speak…good heavens, Kamala Harris, you’re beautiful!”