2018 could be a summer without crisis, chaos or false flags if the Crisis Actors Guild and industry negotiators can’t come to a contract agreement by Wednesday at midnight. That’s bad news for conspiracy theorists, truthers, youtubers, and trolls who may have to crawl out of their paranoia caves and enjoy the summer sun. If CAG can’t get a contract, they’re going on strike and that will send the whole blockbuster crisis season into a tailspin. A real one. Not a false flag.
“We’re tired of performing dangerous stunts like flying around on wires or getting bounced on trampolines,” said one CAG member who wishes to remain anonymous for obvious reasons. “We’ve had enough of getting shot, set on fire, and playing dead for hours and hours without getting credit and without getting fairly compensated.”
“It was shaping up to be the most colossal false flag season in history,” says a crisis producer who goes by the professional name Frank Hindenburg. “We had a sewer main blowing up in New York City flooding Manhattan with seven billion cubic meters of shit. Can you imagine around the clock coverage of The Shit Storm on all the cable news outlets? We were going to do the San Andreas Fault and dump half of California into the Pacific. Finally, to top it off, 2018 was going to be the year we make contact and it wasn’t going to be pretty.”
Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida delivered a crushing blow to the deep state on Hannity Sunday night as he revealed a secretly planned meet up of the FBI informal cabal. The existence of this group was first brought to the public’s attention by Gaetz during an interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper. Pushed by Cooper to explain previous comments identifying an FBI secret society, Gaetz elaborated, “I think there’s a lot more investigating to do, and it may very well be that you had an informal cabal functioning in secret with a societal goal of hurting President Trump without any evidence.”
Turns out Gaetz was right on the money with his analysis. Combing the emails of recently fired FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe, Gaetz discovered the super secret invitation which he dropped like Thor’s hammer on the Hannity show. The invitation has been reprinted in its entirety below:
What: Meeting of FBI informal cabal.
Where: Drifty’s Sports Pub 2431 J Street SW DC.
Agenda: 1) Spitball ideas for broadening massive conspiracy with the societal goal of hurting PT without any evidence. 2) Progress report on obstructing shallow state inquiries into HRC and her deep state allies in the FBI and DOJ. 3) Andrew to outline actions for soft coup attempt against PT.
Activities: 1) Trump administration bracketology. Congratulations to Jimmy for correctly predicting this week’s Tillerson exit and Joyce for picking Pompeo’s move from CIA to Secretary of State. 2) Karaoke. The super duo of Peter Strozk and Lisa Page will be performing classics like ‘You’re the One That I Want’ and ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ along with many more of your favorites.
Attire: Informal of course.
Next meeting: 1) Future informal cabal meet up TBD. 2) Don’t forget Secret Society gathering May 2nd at the tomb of our dearly departed director J Edgar Hoover. Be sure to wear your masks and robes. Women’s under garments shall also be worn by all participants.