A Daily Beast article sent shockwaves across the country today, rattling bongs and killing buzzes throughout the recreational marijuana using community.
“Dozens of young White House staffers have been suspended, asked to resign or placed in a remote work program due to past marijuana use, frustrating staffers who were pleased by initial indications from the Biden administration that recreational use of cannabis would not be immediately disqualifying for would-be personnel, according to three people familiar with the situation.” The Daily Beast reports.
Across the nation, frustrated cannabis lovers let out a collective groan, exclaiming, “Damn, I thought Biden was cool.”
While much of the blame for the policy was placed on White House director of management and administration Anne Filipic, unnamed sources say Biden himself often spearheaded efforts to root out the evil weed. Biden, reportedly on more than one occasion, broke up groups of staffers passing reefers in the Rose Garden. Also, before meetings in the Oval Office, Biden would often stand by the door and check the eyes of participants for signs of redness and smell their clothing as they entered the room.
On one occasion, Biden blasted a junior staffer when he saw a bottle of Visine fall out of the man’s pocket. “Hey, slick, you think I don’t know what that’s for? This ain’t my first rodeo, Ringo. Now clear out your desk, pack up your paraphernalia and get the hell out of here, you furry freak. You’re fired.”
Another time, Biden harangued a staffer for his slovenly appearance. “Look at you, man. You got crumbs all over your shirt. Are you copping a munchie there, Snoopy Dog? And your trousers have stains all over the front. I bet you can’t even go a half day without playing your fiddle. You’re through. Go back to Atlantis, Donovan.”
For ganja loving staffers who had high hopes this administration might finally loosen federal marijuana laws, recent developments have been disappointing. “Looks like it’s not happening at this rodeo,” said one anonymous staffer.