Trump wins ‘free and fair’ golf club championship at Trump International

Former President Donald Trump claimed yet another club championship victory Sunday at Trump International Golf Club.  While it is impossible to know exactly how many titles the former president holds, Trump himself puts the number at more than 20.

Trump took to Truth Social on Sunday to humbly accept his club’s honor as this year’s champion.   “A great honor to have won the Senior Club Championship at Trump International Golf Club…. Competed against many fine golfers, and was hitting the ball long and straight. The reason that I announce this on fabulous TRUTH is that, in a very real way, it serves as a physical exam, only MUCH tougher. You need strength and stamina to WIN, & I have strength & stamina – most others don’t. You also need strength & stamina to GOVERN!”

Tournament officials claim this year’s championship to be one the cleanest and fairset club championships in the history of the tournament with few irregularities reported.  This fact did not go unnoticed by Trump.  “Golf is a gentleman’s game, played by men of honor and integrity.  It is comforting to know that there is still an arena where the lying Democrats can’t steal victory out from under you.” 

However, there were some competitors and patrons at this year’s tournament who claim to have noticed some irregularities in the way the competition was conducted.  One aspect of the tournament that seemed out of the ordinary was that former President Trump did not play in the first round of the two round competition.  Trump was absent from the tournament on Saturday, attending the memorial service of Lynette “Diamond” Hardaway.  Officials report Trump was permitted to count a round he played earlier in the week as his first round score.  

Onlookers also report witnessing strange Secret Service men in suits and dark glasses lurking behind trees and bushes near where Trump’s shots came to rest.  The final resting place of his shots often seemed inconsistent with the path and trajectory of the ball’s flight as witnessed from where the shot was struck.  “He sure got a lot of lucky bounces,” said one onlooker.