Shrinkflation rebellion gains momentum

Ever since President Joe Biden exposed the shrinkflators in his Super Bowl address, companies that engage in this deceptive practice have been running for cover.

“Some companies are trying to pull a fast one by shrinking their products little by little and hoping you won’t notice.  Give me a break. The American public is tired of being played for suckers. I’m calling on companies to put a stop to this,” the president said.

Sensing discontent brewing among the American electorate, Biden again spotlighted significant shrinkage in his State of the Union Address.  With the fury of an old man sipping cold coffee at a diner, the president went after the snack food companies.   

“Too many corporations raise prices to pad the profits, charging more and more for less and less.  The snack companies think you won’t notice if they change the size of the bag and put a hell of a lot fewer — same size bag — put fewer chips in it.  Snickers bars — you know that candy? Well, they haven’t raised the price of a Snickers bar. They just took 10% of it out. So, that’s how they’re making more money.  It’s called shrinkflation.  You get charged the same amount and you got about, I don’t know, 10% fewer Snickers in it,”  Biden revealed. 

Fueled by shrinkflation rage, consumers took to social media to express their anger.

“Me hate shrinkflation! Me cookies are getting smaller,” Cookie Monster posted on X.

On Reddit, one user posted a photo of two Snickers bars with the caption, “The size of a Snickers bar from 1980s vs one bought now. Shrinkflation!”  Not only was the size contrast truly shocking, but the Reddit poster went on to reveal that the 1980’s Snickers tasted much better as well.  “Shrinkflavor!”

Across social media, users began to post how much more Americans could get for their hard earned dollar in decades past versus today.

“Look how much more Ford you could buy back in the 1970s compared to now!  #Shrinkflation!” posted one user on X.

“A personal computer in 1980 vs. today.  Why shrinkflation?  Why?” someone posted on TikTok.

Economist Paul Krugman slammed the door on the doubters, noting on X that the Shrinkflation Index was poised to achieve record levels this year.   

Days later, President Biden unveiled his massive $7.3 trillion dollar proposed federal budget and issued a solemn promise, “Unlike these deceptive snack companies, I vow to never shrinkflate the size of the federal government.  If you pay more to Uncle Sam, well by golly, you’re going to get more.  You’ve got my word on it.”

Pelosi deputy chief of staff astonished at video editing technology

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s deputy chief of staff Drew Hammill expressed his amazement Friday over a video making the rounds on Facebook showing President Trump delivering the State of the Union address interspersed with images of Pelosi ripping up the speech. 

“What these clever young fellows have done is take the entire State of the Union speech, extract a few short video clips, and then somehow piece them back together again, thereby creating a condensed version with only the most noteworthy parts.  I’m at a loss for words,” said Hammill in a statement directed at the popular social networking sites Facebook and Twitter.

“But get this,” Hammill continued, “these ingenious lads pieced it together in such a way that turns the dramatic moment of Pelosi ripping up the speech against her.  How clever is that?”   

Hammill could barely contain his disbelief.  “What is this foul magic they harness to rearrange video and reassemble it for their own nefarious purposes?  Whatever it is, the Democrats need to get their hands on it. Think of the possibilities. We could snip short clips of some of President Trump’s most outrageous and deplorable moments and reassemble them into a montage of disgrace and disrepute.  This could be a political game-changer. No longer would the viewer have to sit through hours and hours of tape just to get to the juicy bits. We could turn the president’s words against him. I am really going to have to work on this,” Hammill concluded.