From his dildo shaped rocket 66 miles above the earth’s surface, Jeff Bezos continued to keep tabs on his nearly one million distribution center employees. As Blue Origin’s New Shepard rocket circled the globe, Bezos urged employees to keep filling orders.
“See this rocket, this magnificent phallic-shaped feat of engineering. It’s flying all by itself. It can launch, orbit the earth and land itself all without the interference of weak-minded, fallible humans. If you people down there on earth still want to have a job in five years, you better step up your game,” the multi-billionaire reminded his employees.
At 8:11 a.m. Central time, Amazon employees were permitted to take a three minute break, to be subtracted from their regularly scheduled break, for the pleasure of watching their intrepid leader on his maiden voyage to space.
“Don’t think because I’m going to be spending a lot more time up here in space that I’ll stop paying attention to you meager earthlings,” Bezos reminded his workers.
Bezos also had a message for fellow billionaires with outer-space ambitions.
“Fuck you Branson! Fuck you Elon Musk! One of these days I’m going to lasso an asteroid, bring it back to earth and be richer than all you motherfuckers put together,” the Amazon founder roared.