Rocketing to the top of Amazon’s hottest selling Christmas gifts this holiday season is the Patriot Girl Doll. Popular retailers like Wal-Mart and Target sell out of the sassy little freedom fighters as soon as they hit the shelves.
Patriot Girl Dolls come outfitted in a red, white and blue camouflage patterned jumpsuit, an adorable little tactical vest and an AR-15 rifle right out the box. Optional accessories include NRA membership card, PG Drone of Freedom and limited edition Patriot Girl Hummer H3. Also, for a limited time, retailers are offering a Patriot Girl pocket Bill of Rights with every purchase.
On the flipside, retailers are having a devil of a time interesting the public in Patty the Activist Girl Doll. Standard with every Patty Doll is a revolution backpack filled with a mouthwatering assortment of vegan snacks. Also, each Patty Doll comes with an audio chip ready to record your target for cancellation. Just tell Patty the name of whoever makes your blood boil and listen to her chant, “Hey, hey, ho, ho (Justice Thomas) has got to go.”
The holiday’s biggest bust would have to be the Sam Bankman-Fried Doll. Several shipping containers full of the disgraced former FTX CEO are sitting in the Port of Long Beach after plans to retail the dolls were put on hold following the collapse of FTX. Currently, the SBF dollmaker is pursuing plans to repurpose the doll by dying its hair red, applying funny make-up and marketing it as Sammy the Crypto Clown.