As governor, Walz labored on highway project to save taxpayers money

Following former president Donald Trump’s brief employment as a McDonald’s drive-thru attendant, media outlets rushed to question the authenticity of Trump’s new part-time gig.

Newsweek tapped sources on social media to confirm whether Trump had indeed taken on a second job.  There they uncovered an inconvenient truth for the Trump campaign and reported, “rumors have been circulating on social media that Trump’s visit to McDonald’s was ‘staged.’”

A McDonald burn.  Out of the frying basket and into the fryer.

Sensing something smelled Filet-O-Fishy, NBC News went on a little fact-finding mission of its own:  

“The franchise in Feasterville was closed for normal business during Sunday’s photo op. The customers who went through the drive thru were pre-selected by the franchise and the local Trump campaign team, according to a person familiar with the event. The cars were also screened and searched, and the people in them were wanded down, according to the source.”

Apparently, the whole episode was just a ruse and the former president was not trying to pick up a little extra campaign cash.

As the debate continued to rage, MSNBC’s Steve Benen dropped some nuance, like a sizzling patty on a sesame seed bun:   

“Those characterizing this as “work,” however, have been overly generous: There’s an important difference between work and theatrics, and this was definitely the latter.” 

As proof that the Harris campaign knows a little something about work, they released a photo of Tim Walz with fellow Dem colleague Amy Klobuchar laboring on a highway project back in 2022.

According to media reports, the two worked shovels ten hours a day for nearly eight months in an effort to save taxpayers money.

Harris fails to address looming tater tot crisis

With Americans increasingly worried over the nation’s looming tater tot shortage, Democrat presidential nominee Kamala Harris has yet to address the issue.

Citing environmental concerns, the Biden administration closed the nation’s largest tater tot factory located in an undisclosed, underground location in Idaho.  According to industry experts, a new manufacturing facility can take years, even decades, to get up and running.

The process for manufacturing tater tots has been a closely guarded national secret ever since their invention in 1953.  No other country in the world is capable of fabricating the unique extruded potato cylinders.

Countries like Israel, Russia and China have all claimed to be in possession of tater tot technology, but so far have been unable to produce a viable tater tot.  Most of the “tots” produced by these nations appear to more closely resemble irregularly shaped “bites.”  

The manufacture of tater tots is a highly specialized process.  Located beneath vast potato fields, the Idaho facility sucks the potatoes from below into its underground operation, working around the need to transport potatoes into the factory and possibly reveal its whereabouts.

Kamala Harris has yet to propose an alternative plan for manufacturing tater tots.  However, mega billionaire Elon Musk has publicly stated that he could have a working tater tot facility up and running on Mars in less than 72 hours.

Debate moderators fail to press Harris on spice and seasoning choices

ABC News debate moderators David Muir and Linsey Davis are taking heat today over their failure to press Kamala Harris on her changing positions regarding spices and seasonings.  As a presidential candidate in 2020, Harris was clear in her opposition to Creamy Peppercorn Dressing Base, but has just recently come out in support of it. 

“My position on Creamy Peppercorn has never wavered.  It’s delightfully creamy.  It’s sinfully peppercorn.  America has always stood for Creamy Peppercorn and my administration will back it 100 percent,” Harris told the moderators.

About midway through Tuesday night’s debate, veteran ABC News anchor, David Muir, delivered another one of his probing questions tailored to get at the heart of the Harris campaign’s vision for the United States. 

“The United States is a melting pot of a wide assortment of aromas, textures and flavors simmering on a stove.  You remove the lid and have a taste.  What seasoning is missing?” Muir asked. 

“Well, Dave, you know I’m pretty fond of Fox Point Seasoning, so I could add a dash of that.” Harris responded.  “Of course you can never have too much Tuscan Sunset Salt Free Italian Seasoning.  But if I had to add one spice to pull it all together, I’d add a pinch of Kamala’s Joy.”

“Wrong.  Wrong.  Salt and pepper.  Maybe a little Ragin’ Cajun,” Trump bellowed before moderators cut him off.

Instant Karmala’s gonna get you

Instant Karmala’s gonna get you.  Going to knock you on the head.  You better get your message together.  And don’t be voting red.

Think of poor old Morning Joe, and the folks over at WaPo.  They’ve all got second homes, you know.  And a portfolio, well there you go.

Instant Karmala’s gonna get you.  Going to gaslight you to sleep.  Better get yourself together, darling, and get behind the veep.

They all said old Joe’s just fine.  Nothing’s the matter with his mind.  Then he spaced out on TV.  For all to see, it’s not cheap fakery!  

Well they all clown on.  Like the news, politicians and corporations.  Well they all clown on.  Come on.

Instant Karmala’s gonna get you.  Going to tell it to your face.  You better get yourself together, sunshine, and join the presidential race.

It’s way bigger than you and me.  It’s even bigger than TV.  It’s just our democracy, they’ll fricassee!  Just wait, you’ll see! 

And they all clown on.  Like the news, politicians and corporations.  Well they all clown on.  On and on and on and on.