The governing bodies of a sport where participants run around with broom handles protruding from their crotch areas are worried about the sport’s association with J. K. Rowling

U.S. Quidditch and Major League Quidditch are seeking a name change in an effort to distance themselves from J. K. Rowling, creator of the make-believe sport for her series of Harry Potter books.

In the fictional version of the game, Harry Potter and his Hogwarts schoolmates play a fast-paced sport where participants ride flying broomsticks, dodge each other, defend, and try to score points by throwing a ball through a hoop.  

In the real-life version, slow, unathletic mostly college students gallop around while gripping phallic looking broom handles pressed tightly to their groin area.  The aim is to simulate flying, but they mostly spend a lot of time lying on the ground with aching testicles.   

In any case, they’re worried about the image of their sport, claiming Rowling has made controversial comments about the trans community.

The quidditch organizations are conducting surveys and taking suggestions to come up with a new name for their sport.  So far, Boner Ball appears to be one of the leading contenders.

Wisely, Rowling has sought to distance herself from the game.  Representatives of Rowling issued a statement saying, “The Quidditch Premier League, U.S. Quidditch and Major League Quidditch have never been endorsed or licensed by J.K. Rowling.”

Nevertheless, quidditch players intend to keep waving their big sticks around and crossing swords in celebration every time a goal is scored, even if it means suffering the indignity of their beloved sport’s association with Rowling.