DHS: Rogan coordinating with trucker convoy to disrupt Super Bowl halftime show

The Department of Homeland Security raised the threat level to Orange Friday after receiving alarming intelligence indicating that controversial Spotify podcaster Joe Rogan may be directing a trucker convoy to disrupt Super Bowl activities.

A DHS memo circulated to law enforcement nationwide states that the agency “has received reports that a convoy of truckers is planning to potentially blockade Super Bowl festivities and may even be planning to bum rush the beloved Super Bowl halftime show.”

It is unclear how DHS acquired its intelligence; however, sources inside the FBI say they have several highly placed informants inside the trucker movement and are working closely with its leadership and monitoring its plans.

The DHS says that “the group intends to start in California as early as mid-February and travel to Washington, D.C., as late as mid-March, reportedly gathering truckers as they travel across the country.”

Informants inside the trucker movement tell DHS officials that leadership is taking its direction from embattled comedian and former reality tv host turned disinfo podcaster Joe Rogan.  DHS officials believe the truckers are picking up coded instructions as they listen to Rogan’s almost daily three hour broadcasts. 

DHS further noted the truckers intend to storm the field during the Super Bowl halftime show, bringing the entertainment to a halt and disrupting commerce by preventing the airing of America’s beloved Super Bowl commercials.

In a statement released Friday, Kanye West threatened not to perform if Super Bowl planners do not denounce the trucker convoys and remove them from the halftime activities.  “They can have Kanye or the Convoy.  Not both,” the statement read. 

FBI to increase consulting on domestic terrorism plots

The FBI announced today its expanding the services it offers individuals wishing to plan and execute domestic terrorism plots.  The announcement comes after a dozen FBI employed informants successfully ensnared six individuals who planned to kidnap and put on trial Michigan’s Governor Gretchen Whitmer.   

“The FBI wants to assist you in every facet of your domestic terrorism plot.  From planning to recruitment to preparation, the FBI will work with you every step of the way.  Having trouble locating individuals who share your beautiful dark twisted fantasy, let the Federal Bureau of Investigation put you in touch with people who can help,” read an FBI press release.

The move comes after officials realized not everyone possesses the knowledge, skill, or desire to carry out a successful terrorism plot.

“When it comes to a terror plot or a criminal enterprise, we’ve seen it all,” said Special Agent Dave Mitrione.  “We’ve been the brains behind any number of criminal operations and anti-government groups.  Let us put decades of expertise and know how to work for you.  Our two to one ratio of paid consultants to unwitting civilians is guaranteed to get results.”