Tag: celebrity

Celebrity owners left with only ‘seeds and stems’ after pot shop pilfered

It was a rude wake and bake for Bill Maher and Woody Harrelson after their Hollywood pot shop was the target of a smash-and-grab robbery over the weekend.  

Witnesses say the pair arrived Saturday morning at The Woods WeHo to discover the shop had been looted and only a handful of seeds and stems had been left behind by the robbers.

Harrelson was heard to exclaim, “I think I feel something,” as the pair puffed away on what little cannabis remains could be scavenged from the carpet and between couch cushions. 

The co-owners then attempted to brew some tea from the leftover seeds and stems.  However, it is unclear if the pair were able to “catch a buzz.”       

Surveillance video of the incident shows a vehicle struggling to parallel park moments before the robbers emerged from a smoke-filled SUV and staggered to the door.

According to KTLA5, “The video shows them shattering a glass window, rushing into the store, filling bags with merchandise and then fleeing within seconds.”

However, the video later shows the trio fleeing on foot after they realized they’d inadvertently locked the keys in the vehicle.

When your brain has taken too many wrong turns: Raised with the wrong politics edition

Occasionally a piece of journalism emerges that really puts in perspective the hidden challenges and private struggles facing a wildly successful Hollywood movie star.  Those of us in the general public often take it for granted that celebrities have fairy-tale lives, and seldom pause to realize that the fact that big stars want for nothing sometimes means they’re susceptible to torment by just about anything.  Things most of us might casually brush aside as a minor annoyance often account for a great deal of distress in the life of an insanely popular and fabulously rich Hollywood movie star.  

One such Hollywood starlet this week laid bare her struggles with being raised by parents with the wrong politics.  As someone who was raised in a working-class, earth-people-inhabited den of cannabis, it never occurred to me that being raised in a Republican household could inflict so much trauma on a person’s life.  Haunted by nightmares of Tucker Carlson relentlessly tormenting her, this starlet just can’t bring herself to forgive her parents for her Republican childhood:

“I just worked so hard in the last five years to forgive my dad and my family and try to understand: It’s different. The information they are getting is different. Their life is different. I’ve tried to get over it and I really can’t. I can’t. I’m sorry I’m just unleashing, but I can’t f— with people who aren’t political anymore. You live in the United States of America. You have to be political. It’s too dire. Politics are killing people….I don’t want to disparage my family, but I know that a lot of people are in a similar position with their families.  How could you raise a daughter from birth and believe that she doesn’t deserve equality? How?”

Somehow, though, against all odds she managed to break free of her Republican programming, and despite her parent’s insistence that she just meet some nice young boy and give them lots of grandchildren, she managed to carve out a career for herself in Hollywood, rising to become one of the most celebrated celebrities and highly paid actors in all of tinsel town.  If only her parents had supported her and given her a proper upbringing, perhaps her star could have risen even higher than Leonardo DiCaprio.    

Those of us not on the red carpet or the silver screen, who are just trying to put food on our laminate table top, don’t appreciate how important it is to be political.  It’s true: politics are killing people.  So, by all means, let’s all become more political.  It appears to be doing wonders for the mental health of those who have discarded their marbles and jumped headlong into the fray.

Depp and Heard Show seeks new jurisdiction for Season 3

Following the exciting Season 2 finale in which a victorious Johnny Depp was awarded $15 million in damages after his “reputation” was dragged through the mud in a Washington Post editorial by ex-wife Amber Heard, the pair are reportedly shopping around Season 3 for a new jurisdiction in which to showcase their legal wranglings.

The success of Season 2 almost guarantees a bidding war for any future court proceedings.  Experts agree, the American public’s appetite for intimate glimpses into the sordid lives of their favorite trashy celebrities is nowhere close to being satisfied.  

“In times like these, when life is difficult and uncertain, people look to the stars.  Average Americans love it when the stars offer them child rearing tips and marriage advice.  They’re always looking to celebrities for moral guidance and spiritual direction.  They cheer when celebrities slap each other in public.  They admire the shameless sense of entitlement that comes with a career in the public eye.  They’re relieved to hear that even the rich and famous sometimes defecate on the bed out of spite,” said an unnamed Netflix executive trying to develop a series with the toxic duo.

However, before any new deal can be finalized, Amber Heard must make a good faith down payment on the $15 million judgment.  Attorneys for the actress are reportedly in negotiations with Depp’s legal team for a modest loan to pay the damages she owes him.

After a year of isolation and obscurity, celebrities are finally getting some long-overdue attention

Although the past year has been difficult for most American’s, nowhere has the year of isolation and loneliness been felt more acutely than among our nation’s celebrities.  Deprived of regular doses of attention, flattery and fawning adulation, the selfless celebrities tirelessly toiling in America’s entertainment industry are about to receive some much-deserved recognition for their work over the past twelve months.  While getting likes on Twitter, or whatever the equivalent is on Instagram, can provide microdoses of soothing admiration from fans, there is nothing like the vanity inducing rush of posing on the red carpet, bathed in bursts of light from hundreds of flashbulbs.  Finally, with awards season upon us, our nation’s celebrities will be seen and appreciated for giving so much of themselves and asking so little in return.  In the spirit of sacrifice so many Americans have been called upon to endure this year, celebrities are forgoing the $50,000 swag bags in favor of more modest $5000 bags of swag.  It really gives one the sense that we’re all in this together, and that famous people are no different than the little guy.  Oprah really brought that feeling home during her interview with the Earl and Countess of Dumbarton.  Who couldn’t relate to throwing one’s family under a red, double-decker London Bus for some short-term fame and notoriety?  It’s refreshing to see a prince and a princess who no longer care to attach themselves to their royal titles, wanting only to live like the rest of the common folk, do Oprah interviews and be famous for being famous.  Yes, soon the stars will be out and the press and entertainment industry will honor them with richly-deserved statues of gold. For its part, the public can brace itself for yet another year of mundane remakes, uninspired sequels, and Marvel movies.