June 2024 – If there is something

Las Vegas police remove alien monolith citing safety and environmental concerns

A prism shaped alien monolith was recently discovered by Las Vegas Metro Search and Rescue in an area near Gass Peak about an hour north of the city. The 77 inch structure had to be removed due to improper permitting and safety concerns.

“A message to the aliens: if you’re going to drop one of your monolith devices in our community, you better take out a permit,” LVMPD said in a post on Facebook.

No one is exactly sure whether the aliens have a presence on Facebook.

“A communication monolith is subject to municipal and county zoning restrictions as well as FCC regulations,” the message continued. “Before erecting an interdimensional portal device, one would need to go through an extensive permitting process and be approved by the city’s building department. Also, a number of environmental impact studies would need to be performed. Most of these permits can be obtained for a reasonable fee at the Clark County Building Department on Russell Road.

“At this point, the monolith is in violation of several state and local ordinances. It has been impounded and will be released to the owner when all fines have been paid and it is shown to be in compliance with said ordinances,” the message concluded.

Authorities confirmed no alien representatives have appeared at the police station to retrieve the monolith. Some officials speculate the aliens may be abandoning attempts at global domination due to extensive and burdensome red tape.

Strange scenes in the alley 3

Anyone familiar with Strange scenes in the alley 2 might remember that a few months back I had to run off a couple of amorous young people attempting to have sexual relations in my driveway. Why they wouldn’t realize that parking in someone’s driveway is bound to catch the attention of the property owner and prompt an immediate inquiry is a detail I still can’t wrap my head around. However, lucky for them, I’m one of those “cool” cranky old guys, so instead of calling the cops as my wife had urged, I just knocked on their car window and berated the shit out of the lovestruck pair, causing them to go from on fire with passion to frightened scattering rabbits in a couple of milliseconds.

So, a few nights ago, I woke up at 3:30 in the morning to use the bathroom, because I’m 56 years old and that’s the way I roll, and what do I see out my back window but a car parked in front of my garage. This time I didn’t need to investigate to have a pretty good idea what was going on back there: that randy young ram was again tupping his fair ewe. Doubtless, he was in the car bragging to the young lady, “I’ll show that grouchy old sack of excrement that I can screw in his driveway any time I feel like it.”

It being 3:30 in the morning, I was in no mood to go outside and interrupt their carnal congress. Defeated, I went back to bed, resolving that if by daybreak they were still back there humping in the dawn, then I’d go out and give them a bit of the old ultra remonstration.

Of course, I laid in bed thoroughly vexed. What do I have to do to keep a couple of young people from copulating in my driveway? And why my driveway? It’s a tiny patch of cement, between my garage and the alley, barely big enough for one vehicle. There are like three other garages back there with much better park and hump options than mine. Why of all the places in this city to pull over and make the beast with two backs did they choose my drive? I wondered if this was a topic of discussion on the neighborhood Facebook group: How to keep young people from having intimate relations on your property.

Perhaps I should cut the younger generation some slack. From what I’m reading about Gen-Z, out of control intimacy is not a big problem with that cohort. Instead of being the cranky old man yelling at clouds, telling kids to get off my lawn, and shooing highly amorous young folk off of my property, maybe I should try being a little more understanding and accommodating. I just don’t want my tiny driveway to turn into a Gen-Z shag pad.

Arthur Barry did not accompany Prince of Wales on ‘little lark’ to Manhattan

The morning of September 3, 1924, the Prince of Wales slept until past noon at the Long Island estate of James Burden, where Wales lodged during his royal visit to the United States. As was becoming a routine, Wales partied late the night before and didn’t return to his lodging until between five and six in the morning. Press reports reveal the prince had dined at the home of Henry R. Winthrop of Woodbury the previous evening and danced there until 2:00 a.m. Following the Winthrop affair, Wales and a small contingent of revelers led by Mrs. Vincent Astor motored to her estate on Hempstead Harbor to prolong the gayety.

So as morning broke on the third of September, Wales was in no condition to participate in any of his usual princely activities. As Frank Getty reported, “Wales was scheduled to follow the hounds in one of the fashionable Long Island hunts, but since he got in from a late party only after 5 a.m., he called off the hunt plan and slept instead.”

William Woodford wrote of the canceled hunt, “Wales did not stir, nor did the bugle sound the chase. Instead he was slumbering, as he still was well after noontime, heedless of hounds, horses or even of his favorite game of polo.”

However, Wales did heed the call of the polo grounds that afternoon, attending the British team practice at Meadow Brook field followed by the American workout at W.R. Grace field, Westbury.

That evening, September 3, 1924, Wales again enjoyed the camaraderie of the polo crowd, attending a stag dinner at the Piping Rock Club at Locust Valley. An orchestra provided music, many toasts were made and Will Rogers delivered a 20 minute monologue that “made a great hit.”

“Leaving the Piping Rock Country Club at about midnight, the royal visitor went with his cousin, Lord Louis Mountbatten, and Lady Mountbatten, and Lord and Lady Milford Haven to the home of J. S. Cosden at Sands Point, where a jolly and small house party kept the fun going until the sun sent its first rays over Long Island. Then the prince went home,” The Buffalo News reported the following day, September 4.

The Brooklyn Daily Eagle provided a similar description of events following the Piping Rock Club dinner. “It was another dancing party which kept Wales out all night, this time at the home of Mr. and Mrs. J. S. Cosden at Sands Point. The party was a small but jolly one.”

Grace Robinson wrote on September 4, “After the stag, the prince went to the Cosdens where he danced until morning.”

Accounts of Wales’ whereabouts the evening of Wednesday, September 3 through the early morning hours of Thursday, September 4 all agree that Wales danced the night away at the Cosden estate and only left at daybreak to return to his Long Island lodging. None of the contemporary descriptions of the “small but jolly” Cosden shindig contain any mention of a secret royal excursion “to one of the white light jazz palaces of Broadway.”

While the Prince of Wales’ movements are unanimously agreed upon the night of the Piping Rock stag and the Cosden party, the following day’s itinerary is a little more shrouded in mystery.

Following his daybreak return from the Cosden festivities, Wales slept for about five hours at the Burden estate. Upon rising the morning of Thursday, September 4, Wales immediately headed for the polo field. As Grace Robinson reported, “The prince, having slept all of five hours, was at the private polo field of John S. Phipps promptly at noon….He seemed fresh and eager for the sport, while journalists were still nursing headaches following all night duty on the Piping Rock dinner and the Cosden dance.”

Later in the afternoon, after polo, Wales returned to the Cosden estate where other members of the royal entourage were staying during the visit. As John K. Winkler reported, “Late this afternoon he motored to the Cosdens after his polo game with Rogers and members of two scratch teams and had a try at golf.”

The Cosden’s gardener appeared to verify this account, telling reporters that Wales “had shot a few holes of golf” on the Cosden’s private links.

While differing on a few details, Grace Robinson’s reporting on Wales’ late afternoon activities lines up with other accounts. “He inspected the oil man’s nine hole golf course, but did not play. He sauntered through the beautiful shaded walks…enjoying the wild scenery. Finally he walked down to the private dock, where the Cosden yacht, the Crimper, was lying at anchor. H.R.H. stepped aboard a speed boat and was soon speeding across Long Island sound toward Greenwich, Ct.”

The speedboat getaway from the Cosden estate during the late afternoon or early evening of Thursday, September 4 caused the press to lose track of Wales until the following morning. Whether he ended up bar hopping in Manhattan that night or simply returned to the Burden estate was the cause of a great deal of frenzied speculation in the papers the following day.

One thing we can know for certain is that Arthur Barry did not befriend Wales at the Cosden party and lure him away to the white light of Broadway, as Arthur Barry bragged and Dean Jobb would have us believe in his new book, A Gentleman And A Thief. Barry was indeed a thief and a con man, and his latest con is to convince a modern day audience that he was once the Prince of Wales’ wingman.

How many more falsified documents are out there?

As the nation breathes a sigh of relief that a serial document falsifier has finally been brought to justice, some are starting to ask, “Why did it take so long?” The 34 falsified documents that we know about happened eight years ago, begging the question, how many documents have been falsified since? For eight years, this now convicted felon has been allowed to be in the same room alone with documents, hold documents in his tiny hands and even keep them in his mansion overnight. What unspeakable lies has he committed to paper? What diabolical alterations has he made?

So far the only documents he’s been charged with falsifying have been in the state of New York. Thanks to the tireless work of prosecutors there, the convicted felon will no longer be allowed anywhere near documents and will forever carry the shame of being a registered document offender. But in the past eight years this man has traveled extensively and has resided in Washington D.C. and Florida. Prosecutors in these jurisdictions owe it to the public to reinvestigate every instance of a falsified document to see if they can be traced back to this man.

The verdict just read, Americans are bracing themselves for the rioting and mayhem that is sure to follow. News outlets like Reuters, MSNBC, The Independent and others are sounding the alarm as supporters of the convicted felon pour into the streets, like in a Batman movie, to unleash chaos on a peace-loving, non-document falsifying public. Even now these hooligans are no doubt planning to commit billions of dollars in property damage, rip the heart out of our democracy and swallow it whole while it’s still beating. Good thing we have a defiant media standing by ready to shine a spotlight on their misdeeds.