Sammy the Crypto Clown out on bail

Sam Bankman Fried, aka SBF, aka the Notorious SBF, aka Sammy the Crypto Clown is free on $250 million bail today.  Sources report the disgraced FTX CEO attempted to pay his bail in FTT tokens but was prevented in doing so by the judge.  SBF argued that while currently worthless those FTT tokens would one day bring untold riches to whoever possessed them.  The judge ruled the court would rather have his parents’ home. 

Meanwhile, FTX CTO Gary “Wang Bang” Wang and Alameda CEO and crypto-nymph Caroline Ellison have pleaded guilty to multiple federal charges including wire fraud, wire fraud conspiracy, and conspiracy to commit securities fraud.  Sources report the pair are cooperating with federal prosecutors.

SBF will be required to wear an ankle band and must confine his activities to his parents’ California home, the judge ruled.  Joseph Bankman and Barbara Fried have promised the court to closely supervise their son and steer him away from operating any multi-billion dollar Ponzi schemes while he awaits trial.

Despite resigning her position with Democratic super political action committee Mind the Gap, Barbara Fried is now calling upon her Silicon Valley mega-donor friends to give generously to her son’s legal defense fund.  Contributing to the Democratic Party is no longer the most effective way to promote positive change in the world, Fried argues.  Instead, securing SBF’s freedom through charitable giving is the best way to promote peace and justice this holiday season.

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