Mischief threat level raised in Canada as convoy organizer released on bail

Canadians are on high alert today in expectation that outbreaks of mischief could randomly occur anywhere at any moment now that Canadian trucker convoy organizer, Tamara Lich, has been awarded bail.  

Officially charged with “counseling to commit mischief,” Lich has been held for several weeks without bail because Justice Julie Bourgeois insisted it was necessary to protect the public.

A new justice allowed the bail but imposed several conditions.  In addition to posting $25,000, Lich had to promise to leave Ottawa within 24 hours and have no contact with her fellow convoy organizers.

However, government officials are concerned that Lich still poses a clear and present danger, and that there is little to prevent her from counseling others to commit mischief.  

RCMP Chief Mischief Profiler, Lloyd Alexander, warns that the type and severity of mischief Lich could inflict on the people of Canada is limited only by the public’s imagination.  

“There’s nothing to prevent her from infiltrating a Facebook knitting group, radicalizing its members and persuading them to crochet a giant “Fuck Trudeau” banner which they could unfurl in front of parliament.  She’s sneaky and impish, that one, and that’s why we’ll be keeping a very close eye on her,” he said.

Canada declares war on “terror” trucker convoy

The full force and fury of the Maple Leaf is about to strike mightily at Canada’s freedom trucker convoy.  Invoking powers reserved almost exclusively for war time, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau declared war on the lawless band of 18 wheelers, flatbeds, and reefer trucks occupying the Canadian capital and a handful of other locations around the country.

Apparently the protests were cutting into the country’s bottom line.  Indeed, the freedom truckers are so essential to Canadian commerce that not only were they required to put their health and safety on the line during the early days of the pandemic and move goods around the country and across the border, but they’re still needed to shut up, get back behind the wheel and do as their told, lest they have their livelihoods taken away and their bank accounts frozen.  

“This illegal occupation needs to end … the measure of success will be, can we get our supply chains back? Can we end the disruption to livelihoods of people who rely on trade to the United States?,” Trudeau told reporters.

The nation’s elite political class and the keyboard tapping Zoom crowd can do without the calloused hand, beer gut brigade disrupting their lives in Ottawa.  And if you don’t think the pajama clad power elite is serious, check out their little bulldog, Deputy Prime Minister Chrystia Freeland, as she steps to the mic and tells the people how it’s about to go down.

“First: we are broadening the scope of Canada’s anti-money laundering and terrorist financing rules so that they cover crowdfunding platforms and the payment service providers they use.”

Hold up a second.  There must be some kind of mistake here.  This isn’t the press conference where they announce the takedown of some international drug trafficking cartel or terror financing network.  These are the freedom truckers, dog.   

“Second: the government is issuing an order with immediate effect, under the Emergencies Act, authorizing Canadian financial institutions to temporarily cease providing financial services where the institution suspects that an account is being used to further the illegal blockades and occupations. This order covers both personal and corporate accounts.”

So according to Freeland (ironic name, eh?), if you’re participating in the protests, or providing material aid and comfort to the freedom trucker movement, the commonwealth will come after you like a bone-chilling blast of Alberta Clipper and freeze your bank account.

Apparently the freedom truckers don’t enjoy a lot of popular support in Canada.  Most Canadians disapproved of Trudeau’s handling of the protests and were demanding a resolution.  However, who thought it would be prudent to invoke unprecedented executive powers and suspend civil liberties by equating a peaceful group of protesting truckers to terrorists?  Wouldn’t the thoughtful and compassionate approach be to just drop the mandates and the passports?  Some provinces are already doing so.  But I guess you can’t negotiate with truckers.  All they understand is the iron fist.  Maybe next time there’s a deadly virus outbreak, rather than face down the virus and put their and their family’s health and well-being in jeopardy, maybe the truckers should just stay at home and protect themselves, like their Zoom chattering overlords.