Retailers offering smash and carry holiday savings

This year’s holiday shopping season has seen a number of new door-busting additions to popular Christmas shopping themed days like Black Friday and Cyber Monday.  Increasing numbers of consumers are avoiding the long checkout lines that waste their time and cut into their bottom line, opting instead for the smash and grab approach.  

In response, retailers like CVS and Target have added Looting Tuesday to the list of days when shoppers can expect exceptional holiday savings.  Looting Tuesday events are planned at locations across the country.  For those who pre-register, some retailers are offering to commemorate your Looting Tuesday experience by capturing it on security video and sharing it for free.    

Five Finger Friday events are breaking out spontaneously at Home Depot and Best Buy locations around the country.  If you are considering taking part in a flash mob shopping event, retailers like Best Buy are asking that you pause your plundering for a moment and consider signing up for their extended warranty plan before tearing off into the night with your new laptop.

Smash and Dash Saturdays are gaining in popularity in some of the nation’s more high-end shopping districts.  Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Saks are all prepping for a weekend of holiday mayhem.  The merchandise is free, but if you need gift wrapping, it may cost extra.

Retailers add Looting Tuesday to list of holiday shopping days

Black Friday, Cyber Monday and Small Business Saturday are just a few of the annual holiday shopping days Americans have come to know and love.  In the spirit of 2020, retailers have decided to add Looting Tuesday to the list of days when consumers can expect exceptional holiday savings.

For one night only this holiday season, some of the country’s largest retailers will make their locations available for looting and plundering.  “We wanted to do something fun this year.  2020 hasn’t been easy for anyone, so here’s a chance for everybody to blow off a little steam before the holidays,” said Buck Simmons, president of the American Retailers Association. 

Holiday consumers are expected to take advantage of a multitude of door-busting, window-smashing great deals.  An evening of epic plunder is anticipated by one and all.  Just remember, as with any promoted shopping day, be sure to get there early to get the steals and deals. 

“We want to keep the process as orderly as possible, so arrive early and reserve your place in line.  The looting is expected to commence at 10:00 pm and go until 1:00 am.  Shopping carts will not be available.  It’s all smash and carry.  Whatever you can haul off in an armload,” said Dan Reynolds, Director of Operations for Bunch of Stuff Stores.

If you pre-register on the store’s website, many participating locations are offering to email or text holiday looters security camera footage of their night of pillaging to commemorate this year’s Looting Tuesday experience.   

Buck Simmons offered one more word of advice for those who go, “Remember, everybody, be kind, be safe, and have a rootin’ tootin’ Lootin’ Tuesday.” 

Illinois tourism offering quarantine getaway packages

The State of Illinois would like to make Chicago your quarantine destination.  Responding to a lagging tourist economy brought on by skyrocketing homicides and an out-of-control epidemic, officials at Illinois tourism are venturing way outside the box to come up with bold and innovative ways to promote the Second City.  

On Monday, officials unveiled “Come quarantine with us!” a glitzy new multi-million dollar campaign to attract visitors to the Windy City.  Offering 14-day getaway packages to some of Chicago’s finest hotels and resorts, the aggressive advertising attempts to lure quarantine tourism from surrounding states.    

“We want folks to think of Chicago as America’s premiere pandemic destination.  If you’ve accidentally come in contact with an infected individual, why not quarantine in luxury and style,” says Jake Winterbottom, a spokesperson for the Illinois Board of Tourism.  

“Our hotels offer the finest amenities,” the ads boast, “and with our new Windy City Video Tours you can explore Chicagoland from the comfort and safety of your 5-star hotel room.  Thank your lucky stars you stayed indoors as you watch lawless mobs of looters trash Chicago’s Magnificent Mile.  Dine on room service as you witness a real live carjacking.  We’re adding new video tours everyday, so don’t miss out!

“Are narcotics your thing?  Download Chicagoland’s own DrugHub app and experience a slice of Chicago style hospitality as the city’s finest gig workers keep you higher than the Sears Tower for the duration of your stay.” 

Chicago public health commissioner Alison Arwady endorsed the new campaign as a necessary step to improve an ailing economy while concurrently trying to protect Chicago’s ailing population.  Citing “a poorly contained outbreak” in Indiana, despite the Hoosier state showing significantly better per capita numbers than Illinois, the commissioner supports a plan that doesn’t make an already bad public health situation even worse.  “Clearly, with all the murders and sickness and what have you in our fair city, quarantine tourism makes the most sense to boost our economy while also protecting visitors from our abysmal public health record,” Arwady said.