Jerry Nadler – If there is something

Pelosi reveals impeachment starting lineup

“An impeachment dream team.” That’s the language some pundits and lawmakers are using to describe the seven House members named to serve as impeachment managers in the trial of President Donald J. Trump.

Running point will be House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff with House Judiciary sharpshooter Jerry Nadler rounding out the backcourt.

Hakeem Jeffries and Zoe Lofgren will highlight a formidable frontcourt, while Jason Crow, Val Demings and Sylvia Garcia will all see a lot of playing time. Lofgren comes in with the most experience as this will mark her third impeachment go-around.

“This will be an impeachment for the ages,” boasted House Speaker Nancy Pelosi as she made the announcement. “A stain on the president’s legacy for all eternity!”

Somewhere, in the midst of his revelry, Bill Clinton winced as Pelosi drove home the historical permanence that bearing the mark of impeachment has on a presidency.

Analysts were quick to weigh in on the announcement. “The president’s team will have it’s hand’s full. I look down this roster and I see all kinds of match-up problems for Team Trump,” offered Jeffrey Toobin, appearing on CNN. “Who can guard Nadler? When Jerry Nadler gets out in open space, improvising and creating, who’s gonna stop him?”

Indeed, that will be the challenge Team Trump faces when it takes the court next week. Although no official announcement has been made, The White House is expected to name Pat Cipollone, Jay Sekulow, Michael Purpura and Patrick Philbin along with others.

“I just don’t see how the president’s team gets it done,” continued Toobin. “I mean, if you double-team Jeffries, then Zoe Lofgren is going to eat you alive.”

Public urges several more days of impeachment debate from House lawmakers

Like one of those movies you wish would never end, the American public can’t get enough of U.S. House members’ remarks regarding articles of impeachment against President Trump.

The House Judiciary Committee is scheduled to vote Friday on articles of impeachment, setting up a vote by the full House next week. However, some Americans wish lawmakers would spend an additional week or two endlessly preening and bloviating, in order to get a clearer picture of what’s at stake ahead of this crucial and historic vote.

“Oh, I’m glued to the tube,” said one New York City resident. “Jerry Nadler is my man. He’s kind of like the Hitchcock of House committee chairmen. He knows how to strike just the right balance of humor, suspense, and intrigue to keep viewers on the edge of their seat.”

“It’s like C-SPAN on steroids,” said one Washington DC viewer. “With so much riding on those votes for proposed amendments, it’s an emotional roller coaster for me, and I never want it to end.”

Much of the day Thursday was spent in debate with lawmakers on both sides engaging in an engrossing volley of brief but insightful arguments for and against the proposed articles of impeachment.

“Wow! That twelve hours flew by,” commented one observer from the gallery. “What a captivating duel of penetrating and thoughtful analysis.”

Of course, every party has to have at least one stick-in-the-mud. Rep. Tom McClintock of California was not enthralled by the proceedings, commenting, “The same talking points have been repeated over and over again ad nauseam by both sides. Repeating a fact over and over doesn’t make it true and denying a fact over and over doesn’t make it false – everybody knows this, everybody watching knows this.”

Congressman Buzzkill continued, “This hearing’s been enough of an institutional embarrassment without putting it on an endless loop so if I could just offer a modest suggestion — if no one has anything new to add that they resist the temptation to inflict what we already heard over and over again.”

The Big Lewandowski

Citing absolute immunity, President Trump held back former aides Rob Porter and Rick Dearborn from testifying in front of the House Judiciary Committee on Tuesday. As legal scholars have noted, no person or spiritual entity in heaven or on earth can compel congressional testimony from a witness granted absolute immunity by the President.

The White House did, however, permit former campaign manager Corey Lewandowski to mix it up with Jerry Nadler and friends. A combative Lewandowski came out swinging, telling the committee that he would refuse to answer questions about his conversations with President Trump.

Committee members soon became frustrated over the witness’s unwillingness to cooperate.

“Lewandowski, you are like a fish being cleaned with a spoon – very hard to get a clean answer from you,” charged Rep. Hank Johnson.

Anyone who has ever tried to clean a fish knows it’s impossible to get a straight answer out of one. Sensing he’d been pinned to the cutting board, Lewandowski launched into another evasive tactic.

“Let me explain something to you, I am not Lewandowski, I’m The Lewd. So that’s what you call me, you know, that or His Lewdness or El Lewderino, if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.”

At one point during the hearing, to avoid direct answers to member’s questions, Lewandowski began reading directly from the Mueller report.

“You are not going to stonewall me and my questions,” said Rep. David Cicilline, growing visibly irritated. “Now, Lewandowski, if you don’t mind…”

“I do mind. The Lewd minds,” Lewandowski snapped back. “This will not stand, you know. This aggression will not stand, man.”

Later on Twitter, President Trump called Lewandowski’s performance “beautiful.” Also, he tweeted video highlights of the testimony under the caption, “The bums won.”