Former U.S. Senator Kevin Monahan, once a respected member of the powerful Senate Foreign Relations Committee, was spotted bagging groceries at a Toledo, Ohio, Trader Joe’s on Tuesday. Reports indicate the Senator had fallen on hard times after he was primaried out of office during the tea party movement of 2012.
Update: New reports confirm the man seen bagging groceries at Trader Joe’s was not former U.S. Senator Kevin Monahan, but instead just some normal dude who frequently gets mistaken for the Senator. Reporters and fact checkers began to have doubts about the validity of the story when they realized former senators never fall on hard times. In fact, there has yet to be a single report of any former member of Congress who has done anything but live “high on the hog” since serving their time in office.
Sure, some former Hollywood stars occasionally get spotted living out of their car, or a long-time veteran of the NFL may pop up working as a valet, but not a former member of Congress. The money spigot keeps flowing long after their term has expired.
In fact, we went searching for the one member of Congress who defied the odds and ended up poorer after their time in Congress than during. Surely, there must be some useless suit who couldn’t manage to parlay their time in Congress into a never-ending cascade of riches. Turns out there isn’t. Even the most brainless, empty-headed hack gets showered in cash when they leave office. Hell, even the ones who went to prison for racketeering or child molestation only do a brief stint behind bars, and then step out of the slammer into a life of wealth and luxury.
We apologize for the error and promise to use better judgement in the future.
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