Americans clamor for Chick-fil-A style innovation and leadership

As Americans once again face the choice between two highly undesirable presidential candidates, many are looking for leadership elsewhere and some think they’ve found it.

Just outside of metro Atlanta in McDonough, Georgia, a modern marvel of engineering and efficiency recently opened its doors, or rather its drive-thru.

Chick-fil-A opened a first-of-its-kind restaurant with four drive-thru lanes that flow beneath an elevated kitchen.  The technological wonder features a “unique meal transport system” delivering customer orders via a “sophisticated conveyor belt” that allows a meal to be delivered to hungry customers every six seconds.

“It’s just like the Jetsons, dude,” said one satisfied customer.

“When I was a kid, this is what I imagined the future would look like,” said another diner as he looked on in awe at the four lanes of traffic that steadily flowed through the technological wonder.

“Americans deserve more of this,” says political analyst, Clifton Friedman.  “Whoever designed and engineered this astonishing and uniquely American miracle of technology and capitalism should be running this country.”

You won’t get any argument out of these Chick-fil-A patrons. “I’d vote for that bastard in a heartbeat,” said a man sitting in his pickup, munching on a spicy chicken deluxe and waffle fries.

“In a country where so many institutions seem to be on shaky ground and incompetence often appears to get rewarded, it’s nice to see the old American can-do spirit is still alive and well in some places. A chicken in every sack,” Friedman added.

Local dad has everything under control

Herb Gluck was enjoying reading a book on a quiet Sunday afternoon when he suddenly recalled that a number of things on his weekend to-do list had yet to be addressed.  Realizing his daughter needed to pack a lunch for school the next day, he wondered if the family pantry contained all the necessary food items.  Picking up his phone, Herb immediately called his wife and learned she and his daughter were already at the supermarket making all the necessary purchases.  Emergency avoided, Herb returned to his book, content that he’d successfully managed that near miss.  Herb had only completed a few more paragraphs of his engrossing spy novel when he remembered that tomorrow was trash day and he had not yet rolled the garbage bin out to the curb.  He texted his son to get a status update.  Herb’s son texted back that he took out the garbage when he left the house to meet his girlfriend for a study date.  Satisfied and mildly surprised to learn that his son had a girlfriend, Herb enjoyed a sip of his Arnold Palmer and again returned to his spy thriller, pleased that he’d put out yet another fire.  Moments later, however, he had a start when it struck him that he was supposed to pick up a pizza for dinner that evening.  But before he could grab his phone, it buzzed with a notification that a pizza had been delivered and was currently sitting on his front porch.  He wasn’t sure who placed the order, but he nonetheless left the delivery person a generous tip.  Once again, Herb returned to his book, at last relaxed and satisfied that he finally had everything under control, yet still mildly perturbed that he had to do everything himself.

Queen of the Con: Buda Godman’s early life and first brush with the law

In 1916, Buda Godman gained national attention for her role as the lost damsel in a badger game con that garnered much fanfare after touring New York, Atlantic City and Chicago, when authorities there finally brought its run to a close.  News of a former convent school girl running with a gang of international blackmailers shocked the nation, and many believed Buda was as much a victim of the con as its mark, wealthy widower Edward R. West.  But Buda Godman was nobody’s victim, and West was not the first knight in shining armor she had taken for a ride.

Although Helen “Buda” Godman was born and raised in Chicago, her parents, Otha and Julia, both hailed from Indiana and were married in Lafayette.  Due to family ties, the Godman’s spent a great deal of time visiting relatives in Lafayette, and some newspapers report Buda’s family even resided there for a time.  It was in Lafayette that little Helen Godman had an older cousin or aunt also named Helen Godman, which may partly explain how little Helen came to be referred to as Buda.  

As a pint-sized entertainer, little Buda Godman dazzled the townsfolk of Lafayette, Indiana, dancing her way into their hearts long before embarking on her life of crime.  In September of 1898, Miss Buda Godman performed three numbers at a benefit for St. Ann’s church, 612 Wabash Avenue.  

According to the Lafayette Sunday Times, “The feature of the evening’s entertainment was a cake walk, skirt dance and contortion work by Miss Buda Godman ….  This little miss is the personification of grace, and her three numbers were greatly enjoyed and enthusiastically applauded by the large gathering present.”   

The Journal and Courier declared, “This small graceful child completely captivated the audience with her dances….  She is about 9 years old and is one of the most accomplished little dancers in the country.”

In May of 1899, little Helen Godman again delighted the people of Lafayette, singing and dancing to great acclaim at Grand Army hall.  As the Lafayette Journal gushed, “While several of the numbers were encored, the singing of Master Harry Hannagan and the singing and dancing of Little Miss Helen Godman…received the greatest favor.  Miss Helen was recalled several times and her part in the entertainment was one of the most enjoyable features of the evening.”

But it wasn’t just the local townsfolk who found Buda’s performances captivating.  Even a big city impresario became enchanted by her act.  “Little Buda, a short time ago, attracted the managerial eye of Col. John D. Hopkins of a large circuit of theatres, having houses in Chicago, Cincinnati, St. Louis and other cities.  The colonel offered Mr. and Mrs. Godman a very tempting sum for their daughter’s services, but the parents were opposed to her just now becoming associated with the stage,” the Lafayette Sunday Times wrote.

It seems, even at an early age, Buda Godman had already developed the power to send rich men reaching for their wallets.

It wasn’t just the townsfolk of Lafayette that delighted in little Buda’s talent and charm.  Up the road in her hometown of Chicago, she became something of a backstage celebrity among the many who turned out to catch a glimpse of the beautiful and engaging song and dance sensation.  

In Chicago Confidential, Jack Lait and Lee Mortimer report, “One of the principle theatrical hangouts was the basement table-d’hote under the Brevoort Hotel, adjoining the LaSalle Theater, and it was there the town came to peek at and gasp over Buda Godman, who was called the prettiest girl ever born and raised in the town….  Her beauty was so fearsomely fascinating that before maturity she stopped traffic on the streets.  She was petite, a wee trifle plumpish, with big steel-blue eyes, a tip-tilted nose, an oval face with a dimpled chin, a peewee mouth, and tiny hands and feet.”

Clearly, Buda possessed the power to charm the socks off of just about anyone who beheld her beauty or discerned her many talents.  But, as a race track sheet-writer, Buda’s “father’s calling threw him in with shady people.”  So, while her parents may have wished to shield her from a life of the stage and protect her from the many unpredictable and unsavory characters who inhabited her father’s profession, they likely never considered the threat that loomed almost literally inside the home. 

On July 13, 1903, a young couple was arrested by Milwaukee police at the Cream City Opera Garden, which some news reports described as a beer garden.  A 14-year-old Helen Godman of 1169 Lexington Street, Chicago was found in the company of her 20-year-old cousin Norvin Godman of 1133 Lexington Street, Chicago.  Norvin was a barber by trade and lived with his parents just down the street from his little cousin Buda.  

Accounts of how they came to be at that location together were somewhat unclear.  One said Buda had asked her cousin to take her to Milwaukee, to which he obliged.  Other versions said the pair had eloped.  What is clear is that Buda’s parents did not approve of her associating with the young barber and forbid her to see him.

The proprietor of the Cream City Opera Garden, Frank Nolan, was a friend of Norvin Godman.  It was reported the pair had planned to reside with the man.  Buda’s parents were aware of Norvin’s association with Frank Nolan and likely directed authorities to that location.  While Buda’s parents would later deny the couple planned to elope, and the whole affair was simply a misunderstanding, Buda and Norvin’s comments in the press seemed to contradict that assessment.  

According to the Chicago Examiner, Norvin Godman told detectives, “‘I love Helen,’ he said, ‘and I want to marry her.  I don’t see that this is any of your business.’”  Despite the young man’s protestations, the police made it their business, and Norvin Godman was treated to a few nights in jail. 

Buda told reporters, “Of course, I’m too young to marry, but I guess I would have married my cousin, Norvin Godman, if my father hadn’t prevented me.”  

Attempts by Buda’s parents to portray the incident as an innocent miscommunication were likely an effort to avoid additional scandal.  While it is difficult to judge whether the sordid affair contributed to Buda’s eventual pursuit of a life of crime and deception, her parents may have seen the writing on the wall.  A year later when Buda was fifteen, her parents sent her off to St. Joseph’s Academy, a Catholic girls’ school in Adrian, Michigan.

Instant Karmala’s gonna get you

Instant Karmala’s gonna get you.  Going to knock you on the head.  You better get your message together.  And don’t be voting red.

Think of poor old Morning Joe, and the folks over at WaPo.  They’ve all got second homes, you know.  And a portfolio, well there you go.

Instant Karmala’s gonna get you.  Going to gaslight you to sleep.  Better get yourself together, darling, and get behind the veep.

They all said old Joe’s just fine.  Nothing’s the matter with his mind.  Then he spaced out on TV.  For all to see, it’s not cheap fakery!  

Well they all clown on.  Like the news, politicians and corporations.  Well they all clown on.  Come on.

Instant Karmala’s gonna get you.  Going to tell it to your face.  You better get yourself together, sunshine, and join the presidential race.

It’s way bigger than you and me.  It’s even bigger than TV.  It’s just our democracy, they’ll fricassee!  Just wait, you’ll see! 

And they all clown on.  Like the news, politicians and corporations.  Well they all clown on.  On and on and on and on.