Authorities to perform welfare checks on America’s celebrities

Celebrities around the country have been having a pretty rough time of it lately.  Social media postings reveal desperate Hollywood stars, descended from their heavenly spheres, crying out to the world like they’ve fallen and they can’t get up.  

The sight of so many famous people struggling in their homes has prompted a number of local law enforcement agencies to perform welfare checks on the stars.  “We’ve been getting a lot of calls from folks worried about certain celebrities,” says Bob Stack, spokesperson for the LA County Sheriff’s Department. “People are concerned for the well-being of the most famous and well-off among us.”

Videos of frightened and vulnerable celebrities have been popping up all over the internet these days.  One distressing video shows a veteran pop music icon appearing alone in her bathtub, naked and afraid. Another viral video shows a group of A-Listers, some in tears, taking turns singing John Lennon’s “Imagine.” 

“Well, what I think we are seeing from the Hollywood elite is a massive cry for help,” says Dr. Andrew McGill, a therapist in Beverly Hills.  “Some of these celebs are confined to their luxurious, sprawling mansions with only a personal assistant, a cook, a physical trainer and a diminished crew of support staff to look after them.  They are vulnerable and they need our help.” 

That’s where the LA Sheriffs step in.  “We’ll be knocking on doors and checking in on as many famous people as possible in the coming weeks,” says Stack.  “Also, we urge the public, if you’re aware of a celebrity in need of help, don’t hesitate to let us know. We’ll send a squad car over to check on them.  And thanks to the generous donations of some of the world’s most successful companies, we’ll be distributing swag bags containing over a hundred thousand dollars worth of goodies to help our celebrity friends muddle through these difficult times.”    

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