City resident, Ed Brush, took to his favorite social media app, MySpace, today to explain his last minute decision to back out of Monday night’s Met Gala extravaganza.
“It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I was unable to attend this year’s Met Gala event at New York’s famed Metropolitan Museum of Art. Ultimately, a number of considerations led to this very difficult decision.
“Firstly, I did not have time to make it to J.C. Penney to pick up my suit for the event. Organizers suggested I’d be fine wearing nothing more than a tasteful blazer. When I explained that I can’t get any of my old blazers to button anymore, they suggested I accessorize with a strategically worn white tube sock. When I realized that all my tube socks have holes and the elastic is worn out, I decided to ditch that idea,” Brush said.
Having settled on a blue blazer over a flesh colored bodysuit, Brush next set about arranging transportation to the event.
“The second thing that happened was I learned that I would not be able to catch a ride on AOC’s Fighting Oligarchy tour jet, and that if I wanted to rub elbows with the champagne socialists, I’d have to ride coach. Being a man of the people, I had no problem travelling coach. However, apparently wearing a flesh colored bodysuit through the airport tends to attract the attention of TSA, and they detained me for questioning. Strangely enough, telling them who I was and where I was going failed to hasten the proceedings.
“Anyway, sorry AOC, Kamala, Alex, Whoopi, Rihanna, Nicole, Lisa, I’ll have to catch up to you next year,” Brush concluded his message.
If there is something 