LIV Golf team matchup of the week: Skulls & Shanks vs. Royal Chili-dippers

LIV Golf is bringing its traveling circus and sideshow extravaganza to Bedminster, New Jersey this weekend.  Ringmaster Greg Norman has been spotted in downtown Bedminster this week handing out $100 bills to anyone who commits to showing up as a spectator for the event.  

However, first and foremost on nearly every golf fan’s mind is who will take home the team trophy.  All eyes will be focused on the much anticipated matchup between Dustin Johnson’s Skulls and Shanks taking on Bryson DeChambeau’s title hungry Royal Chili-dippers.

“Well you know for me it’s never been about the money,” said Johnson.  “It’s always been about leading my team into battle.  Bryson’s got his Chili-dippers on a roll, so they’re going to give us all we can handle, but I think my guys are up to the challenge.”    

This week’s sleeper could be Lee Westwood’s Major Meltdown GC, but they’re going to have their hands full with Sergio Garcia’s Ball Washers.  The Ball Washers have really been rounding into form since Sergio sat the team down last month and reminded them of what they’re playing for.

“Look, we’re not just out here playing for obscene amounts of money.  We’re trying to build a tradition here…a tradition of playing for once unthinkable sums of cash, and if that doesn’t mean anything to you guys then you ain’t a Ball Washer.  You’re just a bunch of dirty balls,” Garcia upbraided his team after a poor showing in Portland.

Joining Phil Mickelson’s Mulligans GC will be former president Donald Trump.  It is said that the ex-leader of the free world is rather fond of taking free drops, so he should be well supplied by the Mulligans.  Rumor has it that Mickelson has been warned off proposing any side bets with the former president who reportedly hasn’t conceded a lost wager in several decades.   

The first two hundred cars to show up for the event will get their gas tanks topped off for free.  So, if you’re coming out, you’ll want to coast in on fumes to take advantage of this very special offer.

Tour officials to investigate PGA Championship riot

PGA Tour officials today vowed to get to the bottom of why thousands of golf fans were able to storm the 18th green at the PGA Championship on Sunday, and whether Phil Mickelson played any role in the melee that ensued after he hit his final approach to that green.

Moments after Mickelson hit his approach shot to 18, thousands of fans broke through police and security lines and stormed the 18th green.  Officials want to determine if the siege was in any way coordinated, and if eventual winner, Phil Mickelson, possibly encouraged the mob’s behavior through his play or his actions.

“All I know is after he hit that approach he started walking toward the green and gave a ‘thumbs up’.  That’s when all hell broke loose.  You tell me whether or not he was giving the ‘green light’ to the mob to do its thing,” said one anonymous official.

Another avenue of investigation will involve what, if any, role social media played in what seemed to be a highly coordinated siege of the closing hole at the Ocean Course at Kiawah Island.  Some have pointed to Saturday night chatter on Reddit and Facebook as proof that the storming of the green was preplanned and highly coordinated. 

At this time, authorities are reviewing tape in an effort to identify some of the principal offenders.  One individual of interest with whom authorities would like to speak is identified only as Beer Can Hat Dude.  He is visible in much of the footage handing out beers, cheering vociferously and inciting the crowd’s raucous behavior.  

After the match, Mickelson playing partner, Brooks Koepka, who at one point became engulfed by the frenzied mob, had little positive to say about the chaotic scene on the 18th hole.  

“It would have been cool if I didn’t have a knee injury and got dinged a few times in the knee in that crowd because no one really gave a s***, personally,” Koepka said.  

Indeed, another avenue of investigation will almost certainly look at why so few in the excited gallery were thinking of Koepka’s knee at the moment a 50-year-old Mickelson was on the verge of golfing history.