Pete Buttigieg – If there is something

Family man reassured by news that the empty space inside his wallet is ‘transitory’

Concerned over the short-term occupancy of cash inside his wallet, Lester Bridges was reassured by news that his present circumstances are merely transitory.

“According to most of the experts, our family’s situation is temporary and has been for most of the past year, apparently,” said Bridges. “Gotta say, I was pretty relieved to hear that. The experts are closely monitoring the situation and soon I’m sure my billfold will runneth over.”

Officials point out that the pandemic has caused a global supply chain backlog, which has temporarily resulted in higher prices. Once the supply chain is back online, prices should return to normal levels.

“I sure do hope that’s the case,” said Bridges. “Because, if it isn’t, I’ll soon have to explain to my daughter that the empty space inside her milk cup is the result of a long line of container ships parked in the Pacific Ocean. I have a feeling even my elementary school-age daughter will see through that bullshit.”

Nevertheless, Bridges knows there are many other pressing concerns facing the country and that leadership has its most capable people hard at work on solving the problems facing ordinary working Americans.

“I sure do hope Congress passes that student debt relief,” said Bridges. “It’s heartbreaking to hear stories like AOC drowning in $17,000 in student loan debt. After all, she’s trying to scrape by on a mere $174,000 a year. Then you have the spouse of Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg taking a stand against the resumption of payments.”

According to Politico, Chasten Buttigieg received a notice that his student loan relief from the COVID-19 pandemic will expire on January 31, 2022 and that he’d soon have to resume making payments. Buttigieg posted a screenshot of the notice on Instagram with the caption, “LOL no thank you Merry Christmas next.”

“Good for him. Husband Pete has enough on his plate with the supply chain backlog. You try making payments on two homes and a student loan on a paltry $220,000 a year,” said Bridges.

Pete Buttigieg powers past Pete Davidson to become most popular Pete

Riding a wave of public interest in his campaign for the 2020 Democratic Presidential nomination, South Bend Mayor, Pete Buttigieg, recently surpassed Pete Davidson as most popular Pete. Davidson previously held the top Pete position for 88 straight weeks with Dinklage, Frampton and Pan rounding out the top five.

Davidson dominated the most popular Pete category thanks in no small part to his highly publicized relationships with such celebrities as Ariana Grande and Kate Beckinsale. No one is entirely certain what Pete Davidson does other than date famous women and appear on late night talk shows. Davidson’s connections to such famous individuals makes the ascendency of a midwestern mayor to top of the Petes even more improbable.

Many point to Mayor Pete’s inclusive, laid back politics and his marriage to former middle school teacher, Chasten Glezman, as the primary drivers of the mayor’s popularity.

“Pete picked a perfect partner for promoting his policies and presidential aspirations,” adds Pete’s publicist. “Pete’s politics range from progressive to pragmatic, and his pointed attacks on the President and VP Pence have put him in an ideal position heading into the presidential primaries.”

Asked to comment on his slip to number two, Davidson only responded that he’s working on learning several new languages and considering dating a middle school teacher.

Peter Piper, the all-time record holder for number of weeks as most popular Pete, could not be reached for comment.

Slate writer plays three dimensional intersectional chess with Pete Buttigieg and the 2020 Democratic field

Better get out your intersectional scorecard. In her Slate piece entitled, “Is Pete Buttigieg Just Another White Male Candidate, or Does His Gayness Count as Diversity?” Christina Cauterucci is handicapping the 2020 democratic presidential field. For the voter playing at home, it can be a little difficult to rank the highly diverse field of candidates according to their identity-specific worldview. All of them generally fall on a scale that stretches from “run-of-the-mill white guy” at one end to “oppression olympics gold medalist” at the other. If you were tempted to place Pete Buttigieg, the openly gay Democratic Mayor of South Bend, Indiana, anywhere on the spectrum above run-of-the-mill white guy, think again. According to Cauterucci, “in a primary for the overwhelmingly pro-gay Democratic Party, Buttigieg can be more accurately lumped in with his white male peers than with anyone else.”

Got that, folks scoring at home. Mayor Pete gets no oppression points for being gay. Cauterucci explains why in her piece, and it essentially boils down to he’s not gay enough. His white maleness pretty much delineates all of his gayness. Cauterucci writes, “Buttigieg isn’t just gay–he’s also white, male, upper-class, Midwestern, married, Ivy League-educated, and a man of faith. These other elements of Buttigieg’s identity all contribute to the image voters are being asked to evaluate, and they’ve each shaped Buttigieg’s life just as much as–if not more than–his sexuality.”

So the problem with Mayor Pete, as Cauterucci makes abundantly clear, is that he allows all these other aspects of his character, which she associates with white maleness, intermingle with his gayness. If Mayor Pete just ran on his sexuality, then he could possibly break free of the run-of-the-mill white guy pack. Here’s a measure of how gay he needs to be according to Cauterucci: “Most people who are aware of his candidacy probably know he’s gay, but his every appearance doesn’t activate the ‘hey, that’s that homosexual gentleman’ response in the average brain.’”

What the hell? I hear Mayor Pete is quite an accomplished piano player as well. Does that mean he has to run around acting like Liberace or Little Richard to elicit the “‘hey, that’s that homosexual gentleman’” response? Not to mention that, “Hey, isn’t he that homosexual gentleman?” sounds a lot like something my long deceased grandfather might have said.

Well, I guess you’ve got to credit Cauterucci for her honesty. At least she’s coming out and saying she’s judging prospective presidential candidates first and foremost by their immutable, identity oriented characteristics. If I’m following correctly, she’s asserting that at all times Buttigieg must be out there putting his gay self front and center, and his failure to do so makes him just another straight white guy. In the world of three dimensional intersectional chess, content of your character be damned. Color of your skin, gender and sexuality are the criteria for which one is judged.

Thankfully, most Americans are more sensible than Cauterucci and her Slate colleagues. In a recent Quinnipiac University National Poll, Mayor Pete ranked in an improbable tie with Elizabeth Warren and only a few points behind Kamala Harris. Also in that poll, 84 percent of voters said race is not an important factor, including 75 percent among black voters. Additionally, 84 percent said gender is not an important factor, including 83 percent among women. One can only conclude that publications like Slate and writers like Cauterucci aren’t paying much attention to these polls, or they’re purposely writing for a small fringe minority as they aggressively push their identitarian agenda. Perhaps this disconnect with the political mainstream accounts for why so many online news outlets like Slate find themselves laying off journalists and struggling to attract readers.