Among the many things we as a society should be concerned about regarding the younger generation is their inability to parallel park. Student loan debt, AI, social isolation, mental health and a lack of affordable housing are all things young people are going to struggle with going forward. But the chief indicator that these kids are not ready for the future is their inability to parallel park.
As I sat on my front porch the other day, I witnessed the neighbor kid spend 20 minutes trying to parallel park his car. I’m not sure who was more lame in this situation – the guy who struggled to park his car, or the old timer who had nothing better to do than watch the whole wretched scene unfold. I fought mightily against the urge to run to his aid and impart my four decades of experience and wisdom. No doubt, he would have welcomed the neighbor standing on the sidewalk, making hand signals and shouting instructions. But this felt like a lesson he had to learn on his own. In the end, he succeeded in getting the little Toyota in the space with only two wheels up on the sidewalk.
Helpful hint: If you hit the curb with your rear wheel before you get a chance to cut the front end into the space, you’re fucked. Pull out and start again. You’re not going to succeed in forwarding and reversing into the space. Unless your idea of success is parking halfway onto the sidewalk. You have to start cutting the front end into the space when you still have at least six inches of space between the rear wheel and the curb. Today’s back up cameras make this maneuver a little easier, but I’m old school, so I just use The Force.
Sometimes when you’ve cut the front end halfway into the space and you feel like your rear wheel could hit the curb, you can make some midstream adjustments. But this is some next level parallel parking and should only be attempted once you get the basics down.
I’m aware that a bad parallel parker has options. Self-parking cars are already a thing, and I’ve even heard there’s an app that, for a small fee, sends out a distress signal to master level parallel parkers who will come park your car for you. Most of these guys are Uber drivers and off-duty valets. So, don’t despair, impress that special someone and learn how to parallel park.
If there is something 