A former Indiana University student is coming clean today after it was recently revealed that most of his college party stories were either wholly or partially lifted from other people’s work, and that he failed to properly credit the source of those stories.
“It is with a heavy heart that I admit to you today that I have at times engaged in duplicative language when relating past tales of college drunkenness. I hope that today’s admission can be a critical first step in winning back the trust of friends and loved ones,” said 48-year-old Kyle Simmons.
The admission stems from an incident that occurred at Nick’s English Hut in Bloomington, Indiana, following a recent IU basketball game. Simmons sat at a table of fellow alumni, throwing back pounds of Bud and swapping beer-soaked stories, when a middle-aged gentleman at a table nearby overheard a tale that sounded awfully familiar. After the man confronted Simmons, Simmons agreed to publicly correct the record.
“The stories I’ve been telling all these years are actually the work of Kevin “Corn Dog” Edwards. For the record, I never inadvertently vomited on the back of my roommate’s head. That was Corn Dog. Nor did I ever perform an acrobatic ten minute keg stand. Again, credit where credit is due, that was the great Corn Dog. Finally, I never belly flopped from a stairwell into an inflatable pool of Milwaukee’s Best. That remarkable feat was performed by the flying Corn Dog.
“I’d like to thank Corn Dog for the opportunity to set the record straight. Some say I stole Corn Dog’s work. Let me be clear, I object to that characterization. I never stole, I merely borrowed Corn Dog’s stories without notifying him or providing proper attribution. I sincerely regret my use of replicated phraseology and hope that my alumni group will see fit to keep me on as a member,” Simmons concluded.
If there is something 