A mere two weeks into 2026 and local resident Dave Webb is already on the verge of accomplishing his New Year’s fitness resolutions, cutting in half the amount of time it took him to shape up in 2025.
“Yeah, I set some pretty ambitious goals this year, and I’d have to say I’m about a workout or two away from busting out the new me,” Webb boasted. “Last year, it took me almost the entire month of January to achieve this level of transformation. Anyway, I should be able to drop my membership before the free trial expires.”
Indeed, fitness centers across the country are already seeing the tsunami of new sign ups begin to subside as these January gym rats hang up their shorts and check another New Year’s resolution off their list.
“I feel great. I increased my explosiveness, enhanced my mobility, and improved my endurance in only five workouts. Now I’m able to use the bathroom, fix a snack and refresh my beverage all during the span of one TV timeout,” said Tim Thomas, trial member at Rapid Fitness. “Plus this bicep work has enabled me to step up to a larger beer mug. I’m chuggin like I’m in my twenties again!”
“We’re just cranking out healthy people right and left,” said fitness trainer Craig Braun. “We’re all about rapid results. It’s amazing what you can do with two weeks and a burning desire for a new you.”
If there is something 