As the nation embarks on what could be an extremely contentious presidential election cycle in 2024, Americans are calling on chart-topping rock duo Hall & Oates to set aside their professional differences for humanity’s sake.
Experts agree that a possible Hall & Oates separation has the potential to spiral out of control very quickly.
“I’m sorry, but we need a unified Hall & Oates right now. We’ve got war in Ukraine. The fighting in Israel and Gaza is tearing us apart. We have two unintelligible geezers running for president. Come on, Hall & Oates, say it isn’t so,” complained former Obama campaign chief David Axlerod.
Officials inside the administration agree, the American people are clearly not ready for a protracted legal battle between Daryl Hall and John Oates.
“The administration needs to get on top of this. This is not good for an incumbent president going into an election year. The images of Hall & Oates fighting it out in court every night are not something the country is prepared to handle. Like a flame that burns a candle, the candle feeds the flame,” said one senior administration source.
Mediators are working furiously around the clock in an attempt to resolve the conflict before it escalates further.
“My friends wonder why I call them all the time, what can I say? I don’t feel the need to give such secrets away,” a court appointed mediator revealed, but declined to elaborate.
However, counsel for the defendant, Oates, has filed several motions decrying the aggressive tactics employed by Hall’s attorney.
“She’s deadly, man, she can really rip your world apart,” Oates’ attorney wrote in his brief.
For now, Americans are just trying to make the best out of a potentially catastrophic situation.
As one fan revealed, “My baby heard Hall & Oates were suing each other and she just split. No warning. She’s gone.”
If there is something 