A local man continues his recovery today after a frightening encounter Tuesday night with what he describes as an “unholy burrito.” Still visibly shaken, the man recalled the incident for reporters.
“I’d just finished a workout. I thought a carne asada burrito sounded good. They asked me if I wanted red salsa. I should have said no. I should have turned and gotten the hell out of there!”
But he didn’t. Instead, what followed was a night of merciless torment.
“Like a fiend from hell, that burrito pursued me through the night. It stalked me in my sleep and haunted my dreams. Every time I began to doze off, that monstrous burrito would appear to mock and scorn me. Sleep became an impossibility.”
After multiple visitations that frequently caused him to seek refuge in the lavatory, the man plucked up the courage to face down the unholy burrito.
“Foul beast, I said, be gone! I cast you back into the pit of hell from whence you came! Back you go into the fire that cannot be quenched!”
Presently, calm returned to the man’s life. Famished from the night’s adventure, he next set about securing a delicious plate of huevos rancheros.
What rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards the tortilla to be born?
If there is something 