Large Hadron Collider researchers seeking suggestions for “shit we can smash together”

As the Large Hadron Collider at CERN fires up for “Run 3,” scientists are hoping to experiment with something a little more exciting than just smashing obscure subatomic particles together.  

Researchers admit that public interest in new particle discoveries is waning and are embarking on a new round of collisions sure to capture the public’s imagination. 

“A big suggestion coming out of the heartland is to smash a Dodge Ram pickup into a Chevy Silverado.  This could potentially settle a debate that’s been dividing the truck community for decades,” said CERN spokesperson Otto Von Braun.  Promoters of the experiment claim the result of the collision would be a new, never-before-seen heavy duty truck they’re calling the ”God pickup.”  Others say it already exists and it’s called the Ford F-150.   

Elsewhere, there are reports from Hollywood that Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly have offered to be smashed together in an act of violent lovemaking.  “At the moment of climax, we want to be thrust into a black hole and scattered to all corners of the universe,” the pair announced on Instagram. 

At the cutting edge of snack research, gastronomers are smashing together chocolate and peanut butter in an extraordinary attempt to find out why these two great tastes taste great together.  What makes the resulting whole taste greater than the sum of the two great tastes?  Scientists are hoping to discover whether there are special properties comprising ‘wholeness’ that cannot be found in its constituent parts.