On the heels of authorizing a fourth dose of vaccine for the over 50 crowd, the FDA is considering adding vaccine “bumps” to the current regimen of periodic boosting.
When Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla approached the FDA about recommending another boost for individuals over 65, the regulatory body did him one better by expanding the pool to everyone over 50.
Sensing an opportunity to increase profits, Bourla has instructed researchers at the company to develop vaccine “bumps” to be administered periodically between boosts as a way of supplementing antibody protection.
“You know, it’s just like sometimes your antibodies start to feel a little low and your titer is down around 1:250, and you just need a little bump to maintain and get to feeling normal again. That’s where we’re at, bro,” Bourla told FDA officials. “So now when you go into a crowded restaurant and you’re worried about whether your antibody level is going to provide enough protection, you can slip into the restroom, give yourself a little bump of Pfizer vaccine and reemerge with the confidence that you can handle any situation.”
Needless to say, the FDA has been extremely impressed with Bourla’s proactive approach, planning to fasttrack the approval of vaccine bumps without requiring efficacy trials.
Critics worry that self-administered vaccine jabs could be unnecessary and lead to unintended health consequences. Bourla dismisses the concern. “The public has this notion that I’m some kind of pusher man, that I like sticking needles in people’s arms. Do I look like a common drug peddler? Get real, man.”