Last week it was spy balloons and unexplained aerial phenomena crossing into US airspace from Canada. This week brings reports of Canadian hybrid super pigs making incursions from Canada into the northern United States. It is not yet known if Sidewinder missiles are being deployed to take out the cunning and elusive beasts.
The super pigs are reported to be a highly intelligent cross between domestic pigs and wild boars. They are larger than normal pigs and more tolerant of cold temperatures. The super pigs will eat almost anything, including deer and elk, but are especially fond of waterfowl.
In addition to brutalizing native species, the super pigs have proven quite difficult to eradicate through hunting. Sportsmen report the devious swine do not conform to normal rules of the hunt, often engaging in evasive maneuvers like going nocturnal. When pursued, they frequently split up their packs and change their routines, rendering their habits and movements less predictable.
No one knows yet what the super pigs want, but it seems clear they have their sights set on the United States. They’re expected to make appearances in Montana, North Dakota and Minnesota very soon. Given the recent assault on our northern border by hostile foreign powers, it is clear that America cannot allow this aggression by hordes of clever and duplicitous hybrid super pigs to stand. Like the Gangsta’s Fairytale says, “Time for the pigs to get turned to bacon.”