Chuck Perkins got quite a surprise yesterday when his son’s normally reasonable school lunch bill came with an eye-popping $35,000 in additional outlays.
“I nearly swallowed my pipe,” said Perkins, who was relaxing in his favorite chair and reading the newspaper after a long work day. “I’m used to just handing my son a twenty and getting back to my crossword, but oh my golly!”
The cause of Perkins’ distress had to do with a number of costly proposed spending items his son had added into the bill.
“There was $2000 for a new laptop, $900 for headphones, $24,000 for a 2018 Dodge Charger and $5000 for a spring break trip to Cancun, among other things,” Perkins explained.
However, Perkins was even less prepared for the reaction he got when he rejected the additional spending items and tried to give his son just the $20.
According to Perkins, “Things got a little heated. He said it was all or nothing and then proceeded to guilt trip me, claiming I was withholding life-sustaining nourishment and other items crucial to his happiness and well-being. I explained that I didn’t have the money. He informed me that the original bill came to $70,000, so by saving me $35,000, the cost to me would actually be $0. I asked him to empty his backpack to see if he was holding any of that giggly weed.”
As of this writing, the two sides are at a stand-off with the son claiming his human infrastructure is crumbling, he’s likely to literally collapse into a pile of rubble at any moment, and it’s all dad’s fault because he’s the only remaining holdout to this transformative and life-changing spending package.