Tommy Tuberville exiled to Island of Misfit Toys for his role in Capitol riots

Even as the Senate voted Saturday to acquit the Man on the High Escalator of any responsibility for inciting the Capitol rioters, it appears that one of his most devoted lackeys may be taking the fall.  Tommy Tuberville bade farewell to the good citizens of Tuberville Sunday as he embarked on a lifetime banishment to the Island of Misfit Toys for his role in the Capitol riots.  Addressing an assembled crowd at Tuberville Town Square, the junior Senator was unapologetic for his efforts in aiding the former president.  “I proudly served a man who I believe was put here by God to use the Office of President to sew chaos, abuse the democratic institutions we hold so dear, and to personally enrich himself and his family.” 

Former aides predict Tuberville may not receive the warmest of receptions when he arrives at the Island of Misfit Toys later the week.  It is widely believed that Tommy Tuberville ruined the lives of many innocent toys on his meteoric journey to becoming one of the former president’s most trusted insiders.  “Tommy is responsible for having G.I. Joe court martialed for not being sufficiently loyal to the former president and for putting his duty to the constitution above his devotion to the Man with the Martian Tan,” said a former Tuberville aide.  “He is also expected to be met with hostility by Mr. Potato Head.  Once regarded as Tuberville’s fiercest business rival, Potato Head was framed and sentenced to the island in 2002 during Tuberville’s bid to seize control of the local potato trade.  You can bet Mr. Potato Head has not forgotten and has something diabolical planned for Tuberville’s arrival.”

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