Shit’s getting real in the vaccine wars. Blue Ribbon Labs today revealed data from clinical trials showed its experimental vaccine was 110% effective in preventing COVID-19. The news comes just days after Pfizer and Moderna announced the efficacy of their vaccines to be 90% and 95% respectively.
“We couldn’t be more pleased with the outcome of these clinical trials,” said company president Dr. Winston O’Boogie. “Here at Blue Ribbon Labs we’ve never settled for anything less than 110% in everything we do. It’s fine for the other guys if their vaccine is 90 or 95% effective, but ours goes up to 110. Come to us if you want that extra level of protection.”
So far, the response from the medical community has been mixed with some experts questioning how any vaccine could be 110% effective.
“Our vaccine creates an eight inch radioactive field of defense around the individual, preventing the virus from ever coming into contact with a potential host,” said Benny Lam, head researcher on the project. “Should a COVID virus attempt to breach the protective field, it is immediately vaporized on contact. In addition to protecting the entire individual, with our vaccine you’re getting an added 10% halo of protection. That’s extra peace of mind you can’t put a price on.”
Company officials downplayed rumors of severe side effects, assuring the public the vaccine is completely safe.
“Some participants have shown symptoms of radiation poisoning, and a few have succumbed to acute organ failure,” said O’Boogie. “But listen, everyone, O’Boogie never lies, this vaccine is 110% safe. I would even take it myself, except that I already have a very robust immune system and don’t require 110 protection. Honestly, I could probably get by with only 40 or 50.”